that mom

I have never thought of myself as a stay-at-home mom, mostly because I have never had the patience to entertain a child for the whole day. Moving to Germany, I knew that was going to be my life. Finding things to do, new adventures, new craft every day, dealing with tantrums and trying to find a balance between me being an adult and me getting submerged in a deluge of Baby Shark.

Needless to say, it is exhausting. Seriously, how do stay at home moms do it? Going to client meetings, travelling in peak hour traffic, work stress – nothing compares to being a non-stop mom, on call 24/7. There is not one moment of alone time. Except when you go for a bath, but even then, there will be a tiny voice outside the door asking if you are done yet.

The other day we were at the park, and I see that my son is playing by himself, there is no need for Mama right then. He’s got sand, he’s got a spade, he’s found a leaf and he’s digging a hole to bury the leaf. In about ten minutes I will be summoned to see his burial site. So, I take out my phone, just to play a quick relaxing game. It’s a matching game of bursting shapes and you get a star in the end. It’s mindless and I love it. It de-stresses me in a way I cannot describe. Silently, I open the app. I’m keeping an eye on him, but I’m also trying not to stare so as to attract his attention and jinx my alone time.

App open. Level 110. It’s on.
I glance up and make brief eye contact with another mama who’s slipped out her phone for her ‘me-time’. We get it. We don’t have much time. Let’s make this count.

Suddenly, I hear loud laughter. I look up to see a slim, fit woman running after her toddler. She laughs and plays with her little girl, even goes on the slide. She giggles and rolls around. She has caught the attention of every exhausted mother in the park. And, I can say with reasonable certainty, we all hate her.

We don’t hate her because she is so thin after having a baby. We don’t hate her because she’s got energy on par with her toddler. We hate her because she has also attracted the attention of all the kids at the park, who are looking at that and wondering, “why is my mom not playing with me?” and here comes the “mama!” and the “look here” and the “come here see my big sand hole”

And it disappears into thin air. That little moment of quite we all crave. Gone as quickly and as suddenly as it came. I begrudgingly put away my phone and go to the sand pit, and here comes the “wow” and the “that’s an excellent hole” and the “what have you buried there?” even though you know it’s a leaf.